Is the Marriage Centered around the Children?Apr 22, 2021
Every couple struggles to balance marriage and family, and though you might have enjoyed a romantic relationship in the beginning of your marriage, things definitely change after the birth of your first child. As you get older and have a tougher schedule, it will be challenging to keep the spark in your love life while raising your family. Though kids are a blessing to any marriage, they add stress and strain to your relationship if you focus mainly on the child and neglect your spouse.
How to know if your relationship is centered around kids
Nowadays, couples with kids spend most of their time taking care of the family. And even if you should pay more attention to your children, it’s best to do everything in moderation. Parents dedicate most time to their kids’ schedules and activities and forget to focus on their marriage.
Besides being harmful to kids, this helicopter parenting style will damage your marriage. Parents should offer love in a secure environment, but they must ensure a good relationship with their spouses. Couples usually put their love life back when a baby arrives, and it’s normal to adjust roles due to the added responsibilities and sleep deprivation. But repeated neglect of your spouse can lead to marital dissatisfaction.
As the couple waits for a child, they experience excitement and bliss and feel closer than ever before, but this slowly fades away after birth, and they begin face new challenges with their sex life. They crave being close to each other and having a normal relationship, and some seek therapists’ help. To succeed, they have to change their behavior and attitude and schedule and protect child-free time.
Why Focusing on Your Marriage will Make you Better Parents?
In marriage, some couples think that focusing on their children will make their relationship work. However, the ups and downs in your marriage will trickle into the parenting relationship. Your family is more of a system, and the relationship and parental aspects are intertwined.
If your marriage is unhappy or full of conflicts, then your spouse’s mental and emotional resources will be depleted. This will affect their parenting ability since their willpower and energy to take care of kids will be diminished. But with a happier marriage, you will take care of your kids in a better way.
Also, note that kids observe how parents behave, and they will take actions based on these models. If parents respect and love each other, then they will set a good example for their kids, and in the future, kids will emulate it as the right way to talk with their loved ones.
Couples should also co-parent as it will lead to higher marital satisfaction. It’s ideal that both parents and kids contribute to their happiness and stability, which help avoid conflicts. Simply put, co-parenting is having your partner’s back.
Most kids are also intelligent, and they can easily figure out when their parents are having issues. A good parental relationship creates the best environment for raising kids, and to achieve it, you need to make your marriage stable and stronger. If you are satisfied with your marriage, then it will be easier and more enjoyable to co-parent.
Reasons why Couples Create a Child-centered relationship?
Couples create child-centered relationships for different reasons, and this includes ignoring marital problems, avoiding intimacy in marriage, and being better parents for their kids. But these relationships are the major cause of marital problems, whether they’re inevitable or unavoidable.
On the other hand, some couples try to be perfect or outperform their parents, especially when they had a poor child upbringing. However, this child-centered relationship in most relationships has led to infidelity and subsequent divorce. Luckily, you can implement some strategies to help you deal with this. These include:
Plan for Date Nights
Though it can be the last thing you will think of with a busy schedule, date nights are essential to a strong and healthy marriage. It’s important to set aside some days in the week where you won’t discuss children, bills, and therapy, etc. Instead, you will discuss your relationship and find ways of bonding even amidst the family problems and kids. “The Little Black Book of Fun Dates” buy Amazon.
Unlike in the past, where the woman was in charge of household responsibilities, things have changed, especially when your wife has a career to tend to. Try your best to help your spouse to handle the bills, therapies, and even take care of the kids at times. This gives her the time to rest, especially when she is overworked.
Prioritize your Partner’s Needs over the child’s wants
If you focus too much attention and finances on the kids, then your marriage will face collapse. You can strike a balance between providing for your kids and being there for your partner. Over time, your kids will grow up and start households of their own. Therefore, you want a strong, happy marriage when the kids are gone.
You need to care for and nurture your relationship, and both adults should put effort into ensuring they succeed.
Avoid Doing Kids Homework and chores
To create more time for your relationship, avoid handling the chores and homework for the kids. However, you can help them; it’s best to accustom them to chores while still young. Though they won’t be efficient and fast as you, they will learn to be in due time.
Assigning them responsibilities will help them become responsible and mature. Besides saving yourself stress and time, you will be empowering them to become better adults in the future.
Even in the presence of your children, show affection to your partner. They may be concerned about your behavior, but it will make them feel better inside that their parents love each other. Additionally, take care of yourself and challenge your spouse to do the same. This will help to maintain the attraction you initially found with each other.
Being in a child-centered marriage can be one of the most daunting tasks for a couple. If you put your child or children before your spouse, soon your marriage will experience issues that can lead to breakup or divorce. Focus on your marriage, and the benefits will also trickle into the parental relationship.